Hope & Question

inspiration

from whateverlife.com

posted by Loren @ 12:52 PM 1 comments

the latest

I had to read some scripture so I would be able to sleep last night and the last was Proverbs 10 and one of the verses is 'Hatred stirs up dissension but love covers over all wrongs.'

As I've been meditating on that today, I'm clarifying between erasing wrongs and covering over. And praying that I would have love for those who live in the place that I do and for those connected to those who live in the place I do.

I've been asking God to speak to me about what I'm supposed to be gettng out of this circumstance and who I'm supposed to be in it all.

The justice thing is rearing its head (I'm in no way apologetic for holding my ground on keeping rules that are agreed upon by all). I think perhaps some of it is learning to be ok/comfortable/whatever with 'being the bad guy' when standing up for what I believe is right (which sounds really trite and third-gradish and I don't know why I am learning this (perhaps again) now, but am trying to live fully in it).

I think grace is in there somewhere, as well, though in learning to love and to cover, while still maintaining truth.

Rilke is one of my heroes. One of my favorite quotes of his is "I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

posted by Loren @ 2:59 PM 0 comments

dream vs. reality

so i had these recurring dreams last night (dreamt the same sequence two or three times; would wake up and roll over between each time) that I had this check (it's a real check that I got from work for reimbursements) that I hadn't deposited. I was supposed to have deposited it and still had it with me (and in my dream, I'm thinking, 'I have to go deposit that check tomorrow). In the dream, it wasn't the right situation and there were different circumstances surrounding who was telling me to deposit it, from where I had received it, etc. So when I woke up, the first words out of my mouth to Shawn were, "I dreamt about the check. I haven't deposited it, yet. If I don't do anything else today, I'll deposit that check." So after cleaning a bit around the house and doing my yoga (am in an introductory class and so it's just basics right now but I'm really really liking it), I went to the bank. When I got there, I looked all in my bag for the check and couldn't find it. So I come back in a panic. Look all around the desk and don't see it. So I looked up online and found the check (since I remembered the exact amount) and it had been deposited (by my lovely husband) two weeks ago. I think I'm losing it. Now I should probably do my yoga again to try and calm down and de-stress...or maybe just hang out in the Psalms a bit.

posted by Loren @ 12:41 PM 1 comments

Tag

So I was tagged. Thought it'd be a good way to dive back into blogging. I've decided not to tag anyone else, though (sorry).

Also, just an update: it's Friday and I'm already ready to go home already. But I'm looking forward to walking after work and to helping some friends clean their new place before they move in (a rented home in a neighborhood nearby). I've given up sugar for Lent. 16 more days. Way harder than I thought, but it's been good for me. And the dropping of pounds hasn't been bad, either. Ok, so here goes:

What is your current favorite quote:
Who are your heroes in real life?
Let’s go with Jesus. Not the gay-hating, war-making political tool of the right, but the outcast, subversive, supreme adept who preferred the freaks and lepers and despised and doomed to the rich and powerful. The man Garry Wills describes “with the future in his eyes … paradoxically calming and provoking,” and whom Flannery O’Connor saw as “the ragged figure who moves from tree to tree in the back of [one’s] mind.” --John Cusack


Good fika (coffee) place? Starbucks will do. I normally just drink the (free) coffee that's made by a coworker.

Do you nap? LOVE naps. I try to nap any time I get a chance, which isn't very often these days.

Who was the last person you hugged? Shawn as I said goodbye to him this morning.

What’s for dinner? Leftovers from a place I just discovered via a new friend. Cafe Del Sol in Mill Valley. The leftover is half a chicken/rice/feta/lime-flavored wrap.

What was the last thing you bought? The lunch mentioned above.

What are you listening to right now? Pandora...the current station is Piano Concerto.

What is your favourite weather? Warm, sunny, but with a slight breeze (i.e. jeans and a t-shirt w/ flip-flops weather)

What’s on your bedside table? a couple of books, a lamp, a picture of my mom and me

What are you currently reading? a book on hospitality, a book about living in community with others, and people's blogs

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? I'm gonna go with the Gerstle Park neighbrhood of San Rafael (where I currently rent an apartment). As for not-so-practical, we'll go with South of France.

Favourite vacation spot? I live in a vacation spot, so we make mini-vacations (stay-cations as they call it around here). And again, as for not-so-practical (as in I've actually never been, but been really close by there), we'll go with South of France. Then I could just stay in that house I'd have and save on a hotel.

Name the things you can’t live without. Trying to stay away from that idea altogether, but I'll say the Internet.

What would you like to have in your hands right now? a bowl with some ice cream, or Shawn (cheesy, I know; I had to say it).

What is your favourite tea flavour? Mighty Leaf's Celebration. Hands down.

What would you like to get rid of? My negative attitude; my lack of being a morning person.

What is your favorite scent of candle? Clean Cotton.

What did you want to become as a child? It changed every year. Once it was a marin biologist, then an Advertising Agent. By 7th grade I'd narrowed it down to either a professor at a seminar or a missionary. I'm living out the second, but in a much different way than I ever imagined.

What do you like better, e-mail or telephone calls? E-mail is more efficient. Calls are more personal. So it definitely depends on the situation.

Happy Friday!

posted by Loren @ 1:32 PM 1 comments

dreaming again

last night one of the dreams i had was that i had been bitten by a serpent in my heel and that there was poison trapped in my foot and that i was going to have to have surgery to get it out.

one of our new year's resolutions is to get up early and read scripture and pray together. shawn chose Genesis for us to start. this is part of chapter 3...

14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this,
"Cursed are you above all the livestock
and all the wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.

15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring [a] and hers;
he will crush [b] your head,
and you will strike his heel."

seriuosly?

in other news, i'm alreay ready to leave work for the day. got here almost two hours ago and i'm done. for one thing, i thought a seminar for which i had to prepare, would be starting at 8:30a. nope...1p. fun times. and a candidate calls at 8:30 asking for something he's supposed to have read by 1p this afternoon. and that's our fault...pretty sure he even has what he's supposed to read, he just can't find it.
love my job.

posted by Loren @ 9:56 AM 0 comments

attacked by an animal

weird dreams plagued my restless sleep. in part of the dream, a group of people were on some sort of boat (when we boarded it was supposed to be some tour of something or other). from the boat we watched this cheetah (maybe?) chase and grab a fox. then, all of a sudden, either the cheetah or the fox starting getting near the boat and coming for my feet. I was screaming and trying to keep my feet tucked under me, but the animal kept coming.
another sequence in the dream, i had to walk to the school where I needed to sign up for classes. i couldn't figure out how to sign up for what i needed. and remember, i had walked all the way there (from wherever I was, of course). my sister shows up and we get in a fight (physical one). then i walk away and sense that suddenly i'm starving. so i get in the cafeteria line, but realize i only have $3.50. i order a chicken leg, a biscuit and something to drink. i pray they don't ask me to pay. and i don't have to pay. i eat and then on to another sequence...then i'm in the snow on a hill and have to traverse to the other side. that's all i remember about that part. there's one more troubling sequence that now (of course) i can't recall.
this is why it takes me a while to want to wake up occasionally...because i'm trying to resolve the dreams i have. the alarm goes off, i get up and hit snooze and then go back to bed so that i can try to make my dreams have happy endings.

in the new year, i do have a couple of resolutions.

i'm going to try and shoot for walking 45 minutes at least 3 times a day.
i'm going to try and shoot for not cussing, or even thinking a cuss word, every time i think of my current boss.
shawn and i are going to try and pray for a couple of people each night before we go to bed and are also going to try and get up early to read scripture together. we did this when we were dating and also when we first were married. have become a little slack in this.

i turn 30 in 10 days. not so much looking forward to it, but the day should be good. i have started taking off on my birthday. i use my one personal day. makes sense to me. so i've scheduled a pedicure and a hair cut and shawn's taking me out for dinner (in Marin and somewhere I've not been before is all I know) that evening. So it should be a good day.

but 30 makes me think of being responsible and having my stuff all together and i don't yet. still trying to figure out the whole what i'm going to be when i grow up. i'm now considering coaching (kind of instead of counseling). but i'm not for sure.

anyway, hopefully 2009 will be a good one. God have mercy.

posted by Loren @ 10:08 AM 1 comments

posted by Loren @ 6:13 PM 0 comments