Tuesday, February 28, 2006

nature's beauty

random flowers i like:Anemone coronaria 'De Caen'; tulips; ranunculus

a new day

scripture much needed to make this truly a new day:
21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 27 Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

so what i get from this is that
a) it's ok to grieve, to have stuff going on in life that isn't cool; more than that, it's ok to be honest with God about how you're feeling about it all (look at some other psalms, you'll get that idea quickly)
b) God is with us, guiding us, and we're to praise Him for that and run to Him because of that
c) we're to tell others of God's deeds, to share the hope and peace of Christ with others

on a much more shallow level, two other things on my mind this morning:
1. Jakob Dylan and The Wallflowers did such a better job with the song 'Heroes' than did David Bowie. I'm just saying...

2. I watched the season finale of the Bachelor and realized why I don't watch that series. I certainly don't know the chicks at all, but I related all too well with Moana's reaction to being rejected.

Monday, February 27, 2006

oh so helpful

Regarding my application for CU Boulder (PhD in Interpersonal Communication)

Josephine, I wanted to touch base with you to make sure that my application is complete. Is there a time-line for the selection process? How will applicants be notified as to their status? Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Hi Loren: Your application is complete and the graduate committee started making its decisions which hopefully you will hear from us very soon. Thanks. Josephine

and very soon would mean...?


the most prevalent thought for the day: why can't i just have what i want? i mean, seriously...

Thursday, February 23, 2006


Above are some pictures from my snowshoeing adventure...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

much needed response

Here are a couple of comments that I really needed to hear...

I am persuaded it is Duke’s loss. And although it may not feel like it right now, I am persuaded that it will work out for your gain.

I would say that's their loss.

so i heard

Dear Applicant,
Thank you for your interest in The Duke Endowment Fellowship Program. While you have many excellent qualifications that would benefit The Duke Endowment and its Fellowship Program, we have selected a final group of candidates whose skills and experience provide a better match for the specific needs of the formative years of the program.
The Fellowship Selection Committee would like to thank you for the time and effort you put into the application, and encourage you to continue to seek opportunities in the nonprofit and philanthropic world. Because this is a new program and process, we welcome your input and suggestions. Again, thank you for your interest in The Duke Endowment, and we wish you luck in your future career endeavors.

in other news

i learned a couple of more chords on my guitar last night. i think this is three weeks now. i know a, b, d, g, e, f#m, em, and c. I think that's right. Pretty exciting. I'm trying to get better at changing chords more quickly. i'm singing and playing at the same time. and i'm learning strumming. this week, i'm working on picking.
ridiculously, i can play g more easily than a...

In the Sun

In The Sun
I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you Always
May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself i became someone else
But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you Always
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find You
I don't know anymore
What it's forI'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you Always
May God's love be with you


I got to work a little early this morning. A lady who works down the hall came in and not in the 'i'm-passing-so-will-politely-ask-how-you're-doing-but-really-don't-care' way, but in a truly genuine way, asks how I am this morning. She noticed yesterday that I didn't seem to be doing so well. I told her that it was hard for me to mask my feelings. Even when I try, it just doesn't work. Everyone knows what's going on with me pretty much every moment of the day, words or no words. This can be good and can be actually quite a difficult reality. Regardless, it is what it is. Anyway, so she says she knows how that is...it's the same for her with lying. Then she told me her yesterday wasn't so great either. She said she went home, sat on the floor with her dogs, and cried. I told her I cried at least three separate times yesterday. She said that she just felt like she was in quicksand. Goodness, did I relate. So then she says, well I'm glad to know there's someone out there who experiences the same things as I. And anytime you need a shoulder, you just come down the hall and I'll be there. It doesn't hurt that she also enjoys good coffee, as I.
I needed to share that to give God credit. I really needed that as a reminder of humanity and community and all that jazz. Pretty cool.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

mine won't suffice

so everything that i think of to write on this blog seems insufficient and not in line with the Word of God, so I'm choosing to put those words here instead of my own, in hopes of becoming likewise...
This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 1 John 3:19-23

Monday, February 20, 2006

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,for His compassions never fail.They are new every morning;Great is your faithfulness.I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion;therefore I will wait for Him.'The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him,to the one who seeks Him;It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

frustration, but anticipation

i heard a song on KBCO today that really spoke to me and added fuel to the fire within (in a good way, not in a destructive, uncontrolled forest fire type way), except when i looked for it online, there are no lyrics posted and the cd it's on doesn't come out until the middle of March. It's on Ben Harper's new CD and it's called 'Better Way.' What's worse is that he's going on tour, but no where near me. Although, it might beg for a road trip, since he is going to be playing in Paris...

i forgot to mention...

the latest i've heard from the fellowship:

Dear Applicant,Thank you for your interest in the Duke Endowment Fellowship Program. Due tothe large number and high quality of applicants, we are still in the process ofreviewing applications. Our goal is to have our first round decisions to you inthe next couple of weeks. Thank you for your patience, and if you have anyquestions please do not hesitate to contact me.


woke up in a bad mood. perhaps it has something to do with this whole holiday thing (if I hear, 'Jesus is my Valentine' one more time, I'm going to hurl cause that's really not what it's about...it started as a Roman thing cause the emperor at the time banned engagements cause he needed guys to go to war for him and he didn't want them all in love and stuff so this priest, whose last name was Valentine, and one of his buddies started doing marriage ceremonies on the dl. he got caught and was killed, but he himself was in love with some chick and his last words written ended in 'from your Valentine.').
then i remembered the importance of this day in my spiritual life. 18 years ago today I got baptized. I accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord on January 28. Most people think that kids don't know what they're doing. I really believe I made that decision and change happened in my life. Praise God for the faith to believe and for His guiding hand throughout my life. And praise Jesus for His life, death and resurrection. For His example. Praise the Holy Spirit for guidance, too, and for the promptings and 'gut feelings.'
Thinking about that makes me feel a little better...

Thursday, February 09, 2006

ahhhh freak out...

so i've been pretty good all week about handling the waiting and not knowing about the fellowship to which i've applied. it just hit me. i'm hoping to hear tomorrow that i'll be a part of the phone interviews that start Monday. this is hard.

stinkin' humbling

the new Russian librarian told me that I have sun in my heart (I'm thinking she meant the Son)

my co-worker told me that I've helped her prayer life by my example and situation...goodness...

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

what's going on

As I was sending an e-mail to a friend catching up, I realized that I hadn't put the day-to-day stuff that's been going on in my life in the blog. So here goes (not that it's interesting or exciting, but just FYI)...

I've applied for a couple of opportunities. The first would put me closer to my family and a few friends. I think it'd be in Charlotte. It's a two year fellowship for me to learn about non-profit stuff. I'd learn about grant writing, shadow a non-profit exec, plan and develop my own non-profit project. It's about the most amazing thing I've ever heard of...and it pays. I'll know if I've made it to round 1 of interviews by the end of this week (phone interviews start Monday the 13th). Ultimately, I'll know about that by March 3.

The other thing is to get into a PhD program at the University of Colorado at Boulder. It'd be in interpersonal communication. I wouldn't mind that, either, although it's kind of plan B at the moment because of the fellowship opportunity.

All of that to say it's not been easy waiting. But I'm a little better about it this week.

On top of that, the assistant director at the transitional home I live in was asked to leave. She finally moved her stuff out almost a week later than when she was asked to leave (she'd just left with an overnight bag leaving us guessing as to when she'd come to get the rest of her stuff). That was last Tuesday.

The day before, last Monday, a new resident moved in. She's 18 and has a one-and-a-half-month old. She's really sweet and he (the baby) is SO cute: he looks like a baby doll.

So that's been some transition. I got to move into the former assistant director's room (it's bigger). So I've also been busy doing that.

If that's not enough, we hired a librarian the middle of January, so I've been busy training her, too.

Other than that, not much is going on :).

Monday, February 06, 2006

dang funny


Thursday, February 02, 2006

My thoughts for once

So a friend asked why I liked the ee cummings poem and I realized I hadn't expounded upon it in the least, so here goes:

I think mostly I'm drawn to the way he puts his words together. The imagery that he conjures up inspires something within. I'm attracted to anything described as 'serenely linger'ing. I also appreciate his personification of nature and inanimate objects. And the contrast between the discussion of life (the garden in general) with the reality of 'Time' and 'Death's blade' really hits home to me and makes me think about the fleeting nature (pun intended) of what we've got going on here with this whole life thing we do.

Other than that, I guess I just wanted to share it with others so that they, too, might be able to get something from it and just enjoy poetry at its finest.