Tuesday, January 25, 2005


I desperately want to have something of significance to blog today. But I don't want to blog for blog's sake. I'll just share some random thoughts, instead...

If something meaningless has meaning to someone, is it still meaningless? And who makes that call?

I wish one could become joyful by filling up at the joy station, like one fills up with gas. Even if it cost $1.69 a gallon, it'd be worth it. But there wouldn't be options such as regular or premium...it'd all be quality joy. And perhaps it'd only be full service, like in Oregon, cause joy can't come from one's own self.

...that's all for the moment...

Monday, January 17, 2005

Poetry of Hope

I get the Writer's Almanac daily. The poem for Sunday was quite intriguing and I was drawn to a stanza within that offered incredible imagery of hope. I had to share it with those few who happen to muddle through the myriad thoughts and circumstances of yours truly.

I hope this kind of hopeful perspective for you, and you, and you...

"What I thought was an end turned out to be a middle.
What I thought was a brick wall turned out to be a tunnel.
What I thought was an injustice turned out to be a color of the sky."

excerpt from "A Color of the Sky" by Tony Hoagland, from What Narcissism Means to Me

What is hopeful is that a certain reality was insisted upon, yet the true existence was something not ended but that offered a way out, an extension, a continuation, a way to keep living life and not bank on everything having such an abrupt and pointless meaning, but turning into something more...

Reading it for the second and third times, I have also begun to think about how my thoughts sometimes miss the mark and make much of something little or little of something grossly remarkable, worthy not only of thought, but of a changed life. I also realize how futile my thinking can be without any action giving life to those thoughts. Sometimes that is a good thing, other times I let momentous moments only wish of becoming because of the control with which I force thoughts to cower and dissolve.

At the same time, I give thanks to the Creator of thought, of life, because His ways are not mine and His thoughts are much loftier (Isaiah 55:8-9). My thoughts are all over the place, though. Knowing his are loftier sometimes blows my mind, being that I am quite comfortable with the abstract, theorizing thus and so, floating above the 'what is' into the unknown of the 'what if.' At other times, I think that God's thoughts being loftier would not take much, seeing how mine camp out in filthy gutters, for a mere laugh or chuckle.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Friday, January 14, 2005

Birthday Psalm

On this day of celebration
for the life You created
I praise You, oh God.
Thank You for truly knowing me
and caring about my
thoughts, words and actions.
Sometimes it's hard to fathom
how all-knowing and infinite
You truly are.
Thank you for bearing with me
when I don't live
according to Your word or will.
May I be ever aware of Your
consistent, constant presence.
Thank You that You are everywhere
watching, waiting,
protecting, providing.
All glory to You
most Holy, loving, knowing God.

Psalm of Thanksgiving

My heart is overflowing with thankfulness
for the chance at life You've given me
for the people You've allowed me to
share life with and learn from
I could not walk these paths
trudge through the mirk and mire
without Your loving mighty right hand
to hold me and the light
showing me which way You'd have me go.
Please, please continue with Your mercy.
I choose to obey You, point to You
even when things go wrong and
it doesn't seem like things will work out.
God, You are Holy and
I know that You have a specific
design for my life.
May I allow You to create beauty
through my being.

Thursday, January 13, 2005


I got to share with a class today about my knowledge and experience with short term missions. I realized through preparing the chat just how much I have to be involved in that forever, and just how much God has taught me about Him, myself and others so different from me through each of my overseas trips.
Why go? Genesis 12 (God called Abram); Matthew 28 (Go, and as you are going, make disciples); Acts 1:8 "You will be my witnesses..."; and last, but certainly not least, Revelation 7:9-10 "...every tribe, tongue and nation..." I can't wait for that!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

A Joke

Props to Kessi for this one, but it's become my new favorite joke:

What is green and has wheels?

Grass...I lied about the wheels.

Still makes me laugh!

new year

I am a little shocked, a little ashamed that it's been two months since my last posting. So I am here to write more, by the encouragement of a dear friend (thanks Nikki). I could write about the snow falling and the temperature outside (1 degree) interpreted ridiculously cold, but what most seem to think winter should be.

But there are more pressing matters that pervade my mind at the moment.

Retrospection: one of my least favorite words and activities. But, nonetheless, I am forced to do so at the beginning of a new year (consequently I have decided to treat each first day of each month like a 'new year'...we'll see how well that goes!). This past year seems to be riddled with selfish sadness and attempts at being and becoming the woman (truly more than a kid and not refined enough to be a lady) God means for me to be. I have grown in many ways, but been given the challenge of reconciling and trudging through the hard parts of several relationships (eg. Dad and Andrea just to name two). They have been resolved but are still not where I would like them to be, but it seems they never will be. It has been a year of starting over, of some success, of an end and a beginning. But with all of that, I feel like at this point in time I am far from who I should be, not letting the Redeemer come through and not focusing on hope and truth and people around me.

Repent: mostly of judging, of being cynical and critical in the wrong way, of focusing on me and not putting others first (of this my sister so fabulously reminded me the other day). I repent more for what I haven't done in the way of feeding the hungry (literally and figuratively), of showing love to those not so lovely, of casting all of my cares on Him who cares for me and of seeking Him first and trusting Him with what He has for me.

Resolve: to spend an hour a week in solitude, to continue to initiate in relationships even when it hurts; to be honest in a loving way to those with whom it's hard for me to be; to love, really love, those around me; to meet people who need to know Love and live that with them; to treat my temple as I should; to hope...

Happy New Year